Words can’t quite express the love I feel for my brother, Venton Carlos Jones Jr., who is a fierce warrior in the fight for equality and progress within the Black LGBT community. I can’t remember exactly when he came out and announced that he was gay to me because it was such a non-issue that never really mattered. My love for him didn’t change nor my perception of his character. He has always been a hard-worker and a leader ever since he was a child and being young, Black and gay has not changed his principles. Speaking of principles, all three of my siblings and I were raised with a sense of integrity, compassion, charity, spirituality, humility so as long as those principles remained in tact and his partner reflected some of the same and makes him happy then it doesn’t matter.
I was looking forward to my trip to DC for a video shoot however the shoot ended up being cancelled so my brother graciously took me in. I was now in his world of being a young Black gay professional in our nation's capital. I stood in his office lined with filing cabinets and a huge window looking out on to Thomas Circle with a sign in the corner that says, “No one notices what I do until I don’t do it.” His Bachelors in Heath and Masters in Health Care Administration degrees hang on the wall across from the framed picture of my brother shaking hands with President Barack Obama.
Within about a minute of walking in I got the sense that whatever he does is super important and it was at that moment that I just reached out to hug him and I didn’t let go. He immediately noticed my sensitivity and I couldn’t hold back the matronly/ big sis, pride-filled tears as I held him for a few seconds longer. Big sniff and... “Uh un, LaDonna. DON’T start. I don’t have time! It’s Friday!” He said in his most sobering tone that was filled with purpose and focus for whatever task was on his plate at that moment.
I pulled myself together and looked around to see how he's made good on those principles that we grew up with now in his work. I had an idea but I never really “knew” exactly what he did professionally. “It’s disheartening that you don’t know what I do,” he confessed. “Well, teach me dear,” I replied though I thought, “it doesn’t matter- as long as you are taking care of yourself and clearly by the looks of it, I see the impact you are making in the lives of others.” Venton, whom family members affectionately call, "PC," took me on a tour of his office. Now I can say and effectively remember that my brother’s official professional title is the Event and Operations Manager and LGBT Program Manager at the National Black Justice Coalition in Washington, D.C. How did I not remember that before?
My brother invited me on a short drive up to Baltimore, Maryland where he facilitated a panel at the Young Black Gay Men Initiative 3rd Annual Policy and Advocacy Summit. Panel members included Ernest Hopkins of the National Black Gay Men’s Advocacy Coalition, Kali Lindsey of amfAR and Kenyon Farrow of Treatment Action Group. Over the weekend, about 100 young Black gay men gathered from across the United States to discuss the HIV crisis and how to drive peer-based action in order to end the devastating epidemic. I was made aware at the summit that my brother founded the Young Black Gay Men’s Leadership Initiative in conjunction with the summit a few years ago. This space brings together young Black gay men from across the country and serves as an opportunity for them to bond in awareness, initiate collaboration and stand in solidarity in order to heal as a Black LGBT community. Blake Rowley, 2014-2015 YBGLI Chair, worked extremely hard to organize the summit.
Capital Medical Associates, Dr. Theo Hodges, a Black gay physician spoke candidly at the Summit about the epidemiology of HIV and AIDS in the United States and how it’s affecting young Black gay men. I learned that HIV is more likely to be transmitted by individuals unaware of their infection and young, gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men (MSM) are more likely to be unaware of their HIV infection. He repeatedly spoke on the importance of knowing one’s status and assured that an HIV/AIDS diagnosis is NOT the end of the world!
"There are more cases of HIV and AIDS reported today because people are not dying of the epidemic!" Said Dr. Hodges. "Medications are keeping HIV/AIDS patients alive for longer with fewer side effects." Back in the 80s and up until recently, so many people were dying of the HIV/AIDS virus because they either didn’t know that they were infected or they did not become aware of their status until it was too late. A cocktail of pills that one had to take are now replaced by one pill taken daily to prevent the growth of infection in one’s body. “It’s like birth control for the virus,” said Dr. Hodges. “You don’t want new HIV virus-babies growing inside your body so take your pill!"
Now a day, there is so much information available that assist people to develop and strategize their linkage to HIV care. HIVANSWERS.COM/APP is an app that answers questions, create a wellness plan, contact doctors and keep track of appointments. One of the resources that covered the tops of each table at the summit was the Center for Infectious Diseases: The Spectrum of Engagement in HIV Care and its Relevance to Test-and-Treat Strategies for Prevention of HIV Infection booklet. Did you know there is a daily pill you can take to stay negative call PrEP? Do the research- we have tools to fight this terrible disease and there are endless amounts of data and statistics available.
The summit was not like being at a science-bio-lab convention but it provided valuable information about one’s health and wellness. “I just need someone to be there for 'me' and that’s what you get from this session…it’s about that healing place that we all need,” said my bother that served as one of this year’s summit faculty.
Now a day, there is so much information available that assist people to develop and strategize their linkage to HIV care. HIVANSWERS.COM/APP is an app that answers questions, create a wellness plan, contact doctors and keep track of appointments. One of the resources that covered the tops of each table at the summit was the Center for Infectious Diseases: The Spectrum of Engagement in HIV Care and its Relevance to Test-and-Treat Strategies for Prevention of HIV Infection booklet. Did you know there is a daily pill you can take to stay negative call PrEP? Do the research- we have tools to fight this terrible disease and there are endless amounts of data and statistics available.
The summit was not like being at a science-bio-lab convention but it provided valuable information about one’s health and wellness. “I just need someone to be there for 'me' and that’s what you get from this session…it’s about that healing place that we all need,” said my bother that served as one of this year’s summit faculty.
My brother was diagnosed with the HIV virus at the age of 23. During that time, I was beginning my family as a new mother and wife so I was dealing with my own life. I found out that he waited a whopping four years before he told me of his HIV status! He could've gone on a sex-crazed rampage infecting everyone in sight. He could've submersed himself within a world of depression or just jumped off the face of the Earth. Instead, the diagnosis lit a positive fire under him that could not be contained. He used his HIV status as a spring board to empower others. Since his diagnosis, my bother has been featured in many magazines, articles, tv broadcasts and conferences to promote health and wellness within the Black community. He has fought fearlessly and strong to combat stigmas, raise awareness and he inspires many young Black gay males across the United States to stand in their truth and to be an example for others to follow.
When the facilitators asked for any closing remarks, I felt compelled to impart my thoughts as an ally. I looked into the eyes of these beautiful young men and shared this; "I represent family members who may or may not know your status or sexual preference. Just know that in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter. Be encouraged in your walk and try your best to represent excellence in all that you do. Your deeds will shine through and that’s all that really matters.” I was met with tons of hugs of those that said I reminded them of their sister and to that I say, "it’s an honor and a privilege." I’m touched by my experience in DC because it allowed me to see the struggle of young Black gay men in our society. They are our brothers, fathers, sons, uncles, cousins, friends and we must remind them that their lives matter.
Here are some tips I’d like to share with straight or heterosexuals who have friends and family members whom are lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender.
- Focus on the individual’s deeds. Are they genuine? Do they keep their word? Are they leaders? Do they make good grades or produce quality work? Are they helping others? The more people working to make the world a better place- the better!
- Don’t get caught up with being concerned with whom someone choses to sleep with- even if they were straight- it's none of your business.
- Got a friend or family member who has been diagnosed with HIV/AIDS? It’s not the end. Do some research and you’ll soon come to understand that the HIV/AIDS diagnosis is NOT a death sentence. People are living longer and healthy lives if they take their medicine consistently. Just one pill a day keeps the virus at bay and even undetected. Whether you're HIV positive or negative, get an HIV test with your regularly scheduled check up or exam because it's important to know your health status.
- Whether they are gay, lesbian, straight or purple, love your family members and friends. Check in and hold one another accountable to a happy and fulfilling life that everyone deserves.
- Focus on the good in life. I was so happy to congratulate my bother on moving into his new, stylish apartment with his beautiful partner, Todd Hill. They must work really hard to earn that rent! What an accomplishment! I’m so lucky that my brother is surrounded by a network of friends in DC who have his best interest in mind.
Celebrate the good always because LIFE MATTERS!
National Black Justice Coalition - www.nbjc.org
Young Black Gay Men’s Leadership Initiative - www.ybgli.org
National Black Gay Men’s Advocacy Coalition - www.nbgmac.org
Have any questions or concerns for loved ones or need help starting a conversation? Leave your comments and suggestions here below.
- Focus on the individual’s deeds. Are they genuine? Do they keep their word? Are they leaders? Do they make good grades or produce quality work? Are they helping others? The more people working to make the world a better place- the better!
- Don’t get caught up with being concerned with whom someone choses to sleep with- even if they were straight- it's none of your business.
- Got a friend or family member who has been diagnosed with HIV/AIDS? It’s not the end. Do some research and you’ll soon come to understand that the HIV/AIDS diagnosis is NOT a death sentence. People are living longer and healthy lives if they take their medicine consistently. Just one pill a day keeps the virus at bay and even undetected. Whether you're HIV positive or negative, get an HIV test with your regularly scheduled check up or exam because it's important to know your health status.
- Whether they are gay, lesbian, straight or purple, love your family members and friends. Check in and hold one another accountable to a happy and fulfilling life that everyone deserves.
- Focus on the good in life. I was so happy to congratulate my bother on moving into his new, stylish apartment with his beautiful partner, Todd Hill. They must work really hard to earn that rent! What an accomplishment! I’m so lucky that my brother is surrounded by a network of friends in DC who have his best interest in mind.
Celebrate the good always because LIFE MATTERS!
National Black Justice Coalition - www.nbjc.org
Young Black Gay Men’s Leadership Initiative - www.ybgli.org
National Black Gay Men’s Advocacy Coalition - www.nbgmac.org
Have any questions or concerns for loved ones or need help starting a conversation? Leave your comments and suggestions here below.